


her hand on my soul

by NashidaKyouko



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: F/F, Korrasami - Freeform, Mental Illness, POV First Person, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Poetry, Present Tense, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 07:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3684198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NashidaKyouko/pseuds/NashidaKyouko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even when the night takes me in / and I wake in a cold sweat / screaming and kicking / yes, even then / she's with me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	her hand on my soul

**Author's Note:**

> Poetry! Please don't kill me for submitting poetry. I like poetry >.>;;;  
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own LoK or the characters.

The world seems to want to tear me apart.

Though I suppose most people feel the same way

that doesn't relieve the anxiety

or alleviate the pain

just because others share that fear,

that paranoia.

And the sense of hopelessness threatens

saying it will do what it can

to make it so I will not see

even one more day

and every day I dread

that it is right.

After all

how long can someone live

when they are drenched in fear

and anger

and pain

and that clawing, pervasive sense

that I let everyone down.

The feelings pile up—

these emotions—

they want to see me end everything

want to be the cause

of my downfall.

I suppose because they find it fun

and apparently humorous

to watch people suffocate themselves

with their own thoughts.

They make no effort to hide their laughs—

and even if they don't succeed

in killing me completely

they always win

and I always lose.

After all

how could I hope to be strong enough

to break free from the cycle

when there's no point in even trying

when there's nothing more out there?

As far as I can tell, at least.

So even if I escape

something equally dark

and eerily similar

is sure to sweep me up

again and again.

The fear is with me.

After all

how could I even dare think

that the flickering lights

will ever stabilize

will ever harmonize?

Least of all during my lifetime.

Maybe someone else can be saved

or be a savior

someday in the distant future

when things have changed

and maybe people won't like

to hurt each other quite so much.

But even in this thought

the fear is with me

gnawing at my shoulder

champing at my soul

of course it won't ever be better.

Not for me

nor for the future.

This world is a lost cause.

The fear is with me.

Time seems to stop

working in tandem with the fears

but had it ever moved in the first place?

I have my doubts

all I have are doubts.

Living through timeless days

is as meaningless as I feared it would be

but what else can I do?

There are no options laid before me

aside from these two:

watch on in helpless, passive days

or end it, and give in to all the fears

that haunt me anyway.

I'm not sure why I even contemplate

these wretched choices.

It does me no good.

 

Three years pass and

so much has changed

but I still sometimes feel so afraid.

But now she is at my side.

I glance down

and see her warm hand

entwine with mine

at first so loosely

but sensing my fears

her hand grasps mine harder

reaching to my soul

through the strength

of her own resolve.

Skin and bone are no barrier to her

as if my soul could be directly touched

her hand grasps mine harder

somehow never losing the gentleness

I am so familiar with by now.

I glance up

and see her soft smile

the light in her eyes

reassuring me:

everything will be okay

even if I'm afraid

she's with me

she's with me

and she won't be running away.

Even as the darkness falls

and the sneering masses spit

and even if we sometimes fight.

For the rest of our lives

she's with me.

Even when the other me

rears her wretched head

and screams and lashes out

and tries to sink me into the shadows

like a poison seeps into skin

yes, even then.

Even when the night takes me in

and I wake in a cold sweat

screaming and kicking

yes, even then

she's with me.

She'll be there

to hold me safe

and calm the storm

and remind me how to keep moving on.

Even if I try to rip my own heart

straight out of my rioting chest

and in my panic

I begin to forget how to breath

she's with me

and she'll help me put back the pieces

and remind me how to inhale

then exhale smoothly

as she caresses my heart

so sweetly.

Because she wants me to stay

and she won't be running away.

She loves me—

and even when I sometimes have trouble

getting myself to believe anything else

looking into her green eyes

I feel like maybe I can at least believe that.

Her hand on my soul

is so comforting

and I realize

I'm going to be all right

we both are

together.

So we step forward

into the portal 

just like that

together

we turn to face each other

as she takes my other hand

and our eyes stay locked

as the soft light envelops us

and I find that these moments

make me so happy

and the fear gives way

to hope.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was an interesting write. It's been a while since I wrote poetry, and I've never written any for fandom stuff before. I'm sorry, this is probably shitty (I don't know why I'm even uploading this, though I may be feeling overly negative about it due to my depression).  
> Yay for enjambment? (Don't worry about it if you don't know what enjambment is, it's just a style thing, basically)  
> In other news, I apologize for my lack of activity. As I mentioned before, I'm dealing with a nasty depressed episode and writer's block, and now the semester is at its busiest, too.  
> Thanks for putting up with me ^.^;;  
> If this is received favorably, I'll cross-post it on dA and tumblr, I guess? I don't feel like doing that right this second, haha.  
> Please leave kudos if you liked it =3


End file.
